Brittany Leann

message me   Submit   Im 17, live in Texas My bestfriend is Ashley. Ima daddys girl, I love tattoos and piercings and partying in pastures. Music is my passion and i study nonstop work and school are my priorities and my dog is my baby. I tan and work out when i can and im happily taken by Joshua Whitaker. Im a country girl who enjoys some of city life but the country will always be my home if you wanna know more do the questions and i will always answer. Thanks

distant memory

Tonight i feel like an unhappy girl. Like in a movie everyday i just sulk and wonder what my life could be if i wasnt engaged or living with a guy. Im ready to end this relationship i just need to make sure i will be ok once i do ive realied this isnt my life i dont want it to be i just want this to be a memory of why i dont do this until i am completely sure and happy i hope one day i will find happiness again i hope one day ill find another dylan…

— 1 year ago

Well i started school and now things with my new family in my new home are less awkward mainly because now we have to be around eachother and we figure why not communicate? Today joshuas mom seems to be trying to be more comfortable with me. Im still very uncomfortable living here and i still hope my mom will find a job soon here and get a home. I know my marriage to joshua wouldnt last i mean we have so much not in common i have learned to accept that just cause i wanted to win him from other girls who he betrayed me and all the trust i had between us as a couple as friends or as anything with. I dont like being lied to its very insulting to me, and it pisses me off a lot. Idk right now hes at work and im hiding in the bathroom. I like being in here theres a lock on the door i feel safe from people when i lock myself away in the bathroom. I have always been this way the bathroom is my safe place in the bathtub just sitting in there with my lap top. idk im strange. Well i honestly just wanna escape the world.. I still think about dylan i miss him he wasnt the cutest boy or anything but i know i had genuine feelings for him. No matter how he looked or anything he was special to me and i feel stupid for giving up someone new and real and amazing to and for me for a relationship that was well fucked up from the day we met. Too many lies and too much heart break and drama and betrayal is involved with my relationship and the past of it. Its just been ruined. I was so happy when i got my period today, a kid with joshua would ruin my life. The first drama with a kid was enough id actually have to have a family this time and joshua doesnt know i dont wanna date anymore im scared to tell him. I love this blog its a good secret that i am glad i am keeping to myself idk. I still am thinking of my regrets im trying so hard to fake love that ive lost. Idk maybe ill graduate amd be able to make it on my own right now im trying to fall back in love with josh cause i know when im officially done ill leave no matter if it means loosig stability here with them. I dont want that to be the only reason im here is for stability i feel selfish for not giving joshua and i a chance after all everyone has done for me here including him. I know im a big pain in the ass and im not the bet fun loving person so i know they all deserve for me to respect my relationship with joshua and to give him another chance idk he earned this one.

— 1 year ago
beauty and the beast.

Today was not the worst, and not the best ever.. it was the besst here lately though. I got paid money usualluy satisfys his anger and being mean. idk im pretty used to these changes in my life. i never thought i would be my grandmother a controlled housewife. im sure if he new about this blog it would be the mother of all fights. i thought i might find something happy to type about but really only shopping and getting my nails done and being high all day is what truly made me happy, speaking of my nails they hurt a lot because idk they usually hurt when i dont get them done for a long time then i start to all the time again. its really unhealthy ive gotta stop getting them done so much. its costly. HA i know i really wont give up the little happiness i get when i get my nails done it was just a simple minded suggestion, i wonder sometimes if this is really what i want for my life though. Like do i really want to only find happiness in shopping and not at home with my fiancee? that doesnt sound happy or like a healthy relationship.. It is my relationship though. I wonder if ill ever find the mindset to leave before its too late. Its sad that im forced into a love i cant bring myself to leave. But look at my mother, she used a man and her struggle in the end was too much for her to bear and now our whole family has split apart. For good as far as i can see. Its com,min in mexcan familys for them to split apart towards the grandparents last few years we did it a lot during my great grandmothers last few year.. and she was the closest person to my mom. Idk my point is i wonder if i get married am i just setting myself up for a divorce? i like being alone. At some point ive got to realize i dont need a strong tough guy or a pretty boy to make me know true love, i just need my other half as he is.. Josh is nothing like i thought wed be at this point.. he feels nothing the way i feel and i dont want to break his heart or let go of what ive always known for 4 years. I feel like how im talking is telling me now one day i will leave but its no time soon. Im gonna grin and bear it. To the happily never after in my beauty and the beast relationship..

— 1 year ago